I am curious about anal but embarrassed in a deleted chat

I am curious about anal sex, but I am embarrassed by how nervous and turned on the thought makes me, even when I know it would need patience and consent. There is a version of me that wants to be careful, and another version that wants to be touched, used, praised, or teased like a secret. If I ever act on it, I want it to be honest, consensual, and not built on panic.

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